Loneliness Hack: Use Your Friends!
Literally one day before the world shut down.
When we began to shelter-in-place last year, I struggled with living alone. The only people I would see on a daily basis were the maintenance people in my building. For some reason, they didn’t like that I was following them around in my slippers, sipping some coffee, and trying to make small talk as they got their work done.
I became worried that depression would slowly creep its way back into my life. When you mix pandemic anxiety with a lack of social contact and add a few drops of binge eating and drinking followed by shame and guilt… you get the fun new cocktail sweeping the nation, The Great Depression.
Then, MY FRIENDS CAME TO THE RESCUE. Figuratively, of course, because NOBODY WAS ALLOWED TO BE NEAR EACH OTHER!
I was saved by the group chat that texted nearly all day - swapping Covid news, discussing Tiger King, and supporting each other’s excessive drinking.
I was saved by hours-long video calls with my friend in Portland while we worked.
I was saved by my mother, who would come by in the very early mornings to walk my dog, turn on my coffee maker, and discuss the latest episode of Dateline. (SHUT UP. I AM AN ADULT WOMAN.)
So, on this VALENTINE’S, or GALENTINE’S, or PALENTINE’S weekend, I would like to present all the ways to avoid loneliness by USING YOUR FRIENDS. (Some might say leaning on your friends, but I say forcing yourself on them.)
Embrace winter, take mid-day walks. Put on a pair of leggings, then put on another pair of leggings. Put on a sweater, then a Sherpa pullover, then a puffy coat. Put on two pairs of socks, then winter boots. Follow it up with a big scarf, a fleece-lined hat, some gloves, and a face mask or two. Meet your friend, or your sister, and go for a walk in nature even though it’s the middle of winter. Do you look like Frosty the Snowman? Of course. Are you WINNING the pandemic winter games? No, because they’re canceled.
Facetime, wine, and whine. Pop open a bottle and schedule a Facetime date with a friend to complain about your bosses. I actually don’t complain about my boss, because she’s literally my best friend, but I often drink champagne while FaceTiming with her and whine about other things like boys and… nope, just boys.
Send gifts, or put them in people’s cars. Sure, having conversations with friends is fun, but have you ever not talked at all and gave each other gifts instead? My friend Ashley drove by once and asked me to unlock my car. We shared a quick yelling exchange through the window, and she left a bag in my car. Boom! I had a new wine glass and cold cup for smoothies. I sent her some Mike’s Hot Honey. My friend Kelly sent me the happiest planter. Janine got me some hand sanitizer and a comb. My love language is thoughtfulness, and sometimes it’s so great to feel loved and show love without having to say “I love you,” or even, “Hey, how are you?”
Text compliments, DO NOT catch up. On that note, I miss the relaxed friendships we had at the office. The kind where you saw the same people every single day, so every interaction was light or just a funny quip. And with long-time friends, the type of relationship where you can pick up wherever you left off with no love lost.
The other day, my friend Casey texted me and said, “Good post” and I said, “Thanks!” I literally had NO CLUE if he was alive or dead up until that point, and I still have no idea how he is, yet our friendship is the best it has ever been.Share your struggles. But let’s face it. Sometimes, you’re struggling and you really need a friend. It’s easy to hide emotions and suffer in silence, but it’s better to say, “I’m having a shit day” and talk it out. Nobody is going to think you're weak, nor are they going to solve your problems. It’s nice to get it out of your brain, into a text, and hear, “You’re doing great!” back… even though you probably definitely aren’t.
If all else fails, re-start the Zoom happy hours… and pass out safely, knowing your friends have your back by TAKING A SCREENSHOT and REMINDING YOU ABOUT IT EVERY TIME YOU FEEL GOOD.
