I Don’t Want To Be a ROCK STAR Anymore.

A popular rating system in performance reviews is 1 through 5, with 5 being “EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS” and 3 being “Meets Expectations”. I’ve lived my life, and performed throughout my career, with the expectation that I would never settle for being a 3! Sure, it’s a good rating, it’s actually 100%! However, if there are TWO MORE LEVELS above 3 then you best believe I am going to try to reach them. 

Not anymore.

I don’t even want to be a 3 anymore. I want to be a nice, safe 2. I want to embrace room for improvement and not be THE BEST or the go-to or the guru. I don’t want to be the SME (Subject Matter Expert), I want to be the SMA (Subject Matter Avoider). I am so fucking tired of trying to meet insane expectations (imposed on me by others and myself) while sacrificing my mental health. 

That’s right. I’m a fucking 2, baby! 

I am going to call out sick and actually rest and not work through it.

I am going to admit that I don’t know what you’re talking about in the moment instead of pretending and overwhelming myself later with my lack of knowledge. 

I am going to ask questions and ask for help and potentially burden you by delegating a task because I need more information and more hands. 

I am not going to stand for inappropriate and disrespectful behavior. I will not accept or continue to push through to avoid confrontation and awkwardness or maybe even getting fired. 

I will not respond immediately, and I might forget to respond at all because I have ADHD and your Slack message distracted me and I forgot about it. I will also forget to do a task or two and take accountability for it instead of beating myself up. 

I will develop influence by spending time shooting the shit, building rapport, and creating meaningful connections instead of accomplishing tasks and getting shit done. 

I will show up and do my job and leave by 5 for an early bird dinner because I like to be there as soon as the restaurant opens to avoid crowds!

I will cancel or not attend meetings that aren’t necessary. I will not attend meetings before 9am or after 5pm. I will focus on one thing at a time and not attempt to multitask (because multitasking is actually impossible and the word ‘priority’ is not meant to be plural.) 

I do not want to be the GOAT: Greatest of all Time. I want to be the OAT: Okay At Today.

So NO, I am not right on top of that, Rose. I have heard you, I have added it to my to-do list, and it will HAPPEN when it HAPPENS. OK?!?! 

OK! 

G’BYE. Signing off early. 

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