Songs I Shouldn’t Have Been Singing As A Kid: The Playlist
Song: Red Light Special
Artist: TLC
Sample Lyric:
I’ll let you touch it if you’d like to go down
I’ll let you go further if you take the southern route
Let’s face it, the entire Crazy, Sexy, Cool album should have been off-limits to an 8-year-old child, but it was one of the VERY FIRST ALBUMS I OWNED. I listened to it all the time. The biggest hit was a song about AIDS, drugs, and violence and for some reason, my parents thought, “This will be a good one for my children.”Oh well, I’m not complaining. It’s one of the greatest albums of all time and “Red Light Special” is crazy, sexy, and cool.
Song: You Oughta Know
Artist: Alanis Morisette
Sample Lyric:
Every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back
I hope you feel it
Oh, can you feel it?
I’m pretty sure that Jagged Little Pill is still my favorite album of all time. I was 9-years-old when I got it for Christmas, and I sang this song like it was written for me. I felt what she was singing about on such a deeply personal level, even though I had barely even MET a boy.
But now? Oh man, those songs hold up. Now, I finally get it! I loved it then, but man! I really know what she was singing about now!Song: Forgot About Dre -
Artists: Dr. Dre and Eminem
Example Lyric:Hoppin’ out with two broken legs tryin’ to walk it off
Fuck you too, bitch, call the cops
I’mma kill you and them loud ass mother fucking barking dogs
I was 13 when this song was released, so I guess at the very least I was a teenager. However, I listened to this song (and album) constantly in 2000, along with my ten-year-old neighbor. We knew every single word and rapped it with our whole hearts, despite being two extremely white young girls who had no idea what they were talking about. In fact, it wasn’t until I saw Straight Outta Compton fifteen years later that I even knew what Dr. Dre was referencing, I was that out of the loop.Song: That’s The Way Love Goes
Artist: Janet Jackson
Sample Lyric:
Oh baby don’t stop don’t stop
Go deeper, baby deeper
It feels so good I wanna cry
What feels so good, Janet? I don’t know. I’m literally SEVEN. I remember buying this CASSETTE TAPE at Coconuts next to the Good Will in Saugus, MA while I was also buying a cassette for my dance class of a child’s song, Jump for Joy. Remember when you could sample albums with headphones right there in the store? I remember this song winning me over immediately.
AGAIN, SEVEN. So young that I incorrectly sang the opening lyric as, “My love is blind, can’t you see my vagina?” because the word “desire” was not yet in my vocabulary.Song: Whatta Man
Artist: Salt n Pepa
Sample Lyric:
Yeah, the ritual highway to heaven
From seven to seven he's got me open like Seven Eleven
And yet it’s me that he’s always choosin’
With him, I’m never losin’ and he knows that my name is not Susan
This song is still a BANGER! I have it on almost all of my playlists and still know every lyric. I’ve even done it at karaoke. Maybe 1993 was the year that I peaked. Everything I ever learned about sex was through music when I was seven. It truly explains a lot.Song: Peaches and Cream
Artist: 112
Sample Lyric:
I never thought that I would be
So addicted to you
On top, underneath, on the side of you
Better yet baby inside of you
Ah, 112. America’s second-best R&B quartet. (The first being Boyz II Men, obviously.) This is a song about tasting a girl’s vagina, I believe. At least I was singing it at 14, whilst still playing with Barbies. (I played with Barbies for too long.)Song: If
Artist: Janet Jackson
Sample Lyric:
If I was your girl
Oh the things I'd do to you
I'd make you call out my name
I'd ask who it belongs to
Yes, another Janet song because like I said, 1993 was a big year for me and R&B. Just imagine a seven-year-old me asking you to call out her name (I went by Patricia at the time), and then following it up with, “Who does it belong to?”
This song was my favorite on the entire album. I would play this song and choreograph dances outside in the backyard with my neighbors. It was kind of like what you see on Tik Tok except imagine baggy Tweety Bird t-shirts, thick bangs, and chickenpox scars. (This was the year our families threw us all in the backyard to give each other chickenpox BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DID IN THE 90’S.)Song: Don’t Let Go
Artist: En Vogue
Sample Lyric:
If I could wear your clothes
I’d pretend I was you
And lose control
Want to hear something bad? This song reminds me of my FIFTH BIRTHDAY. I heard it on the radio while I was puking because I had a stomach bug. It wasn’t a total loss though because I got The Little Mermaid on VHS. I must admit, there was some love-making, heart-breaking, soul-shaking love…. between Ariel and Prince Eric.Song: You’re Makin’ Me High
Artist: Toni Braxton
Sample Lyric:
I want to feel your heart and soul inside of me
Let's make a deal you roll, I lick
And we can go flying into ecstasy
I used to sing this song into a hairbrush when I was ten years old. I literally had no clue what any of the lyrics meant until I just looked them up. There are so many drug references that I casually sang without anybody questioning me. I guess the song does say, “You’re makin’ me high” so I could have put two and two together. Drugs and sex!Song: Can I Get A
Artist: Jay Z
Sample Lyric:
Do I even need to do a sample lyric? Literally, NONE OF THE LYRICS are appropriate for a 12-year-old to be singing. There’s even a clean version and it’s STILL not appropriate. I sang this at karaoke in 2011 with two of my CO-WORKERS… and IT WASN’T APPROPRIATE THEN EITHER.If you’re at an age where you are still going to kids’ birthday parties at Rollerworld or Bonkers, you should not be singing this song.
The good news is that I’m now (almost) 35 and I can sing these songs and even (kind of) understand what they mean. They make for a FANTASTIC playlist. Please enjoy while imagining that young mother at the top of this post who had no idea where babies came from, yet unknowingly sang about it at the top of her tiny lungs.