Why We All Hate Tom Sandoval
Where I spent the last week and a half. And yes, I wear pajama sets! I am not a MONSTER.
I can’t believe I’m about to get THIS DEEP into Vanderpump Rules, but A) IT’S MY FAVORITE REALITY SHOW and B) it is holding a mirror to our own lives right now.
Now that the #SCANDOVAL updates have slowed down (due to Bravo enforcing its stupid restrictions on the cast!!), we’re all left wondering… what the fuck just happened to all of us? Why did this news blow up more than any other news in Bravo/reality TV history?
Here’s why: This is a live true-crime drama.
The crime? Surprise! Tom Sandoval is a diabolically evil narcissist. (I’m getting Agatha All Along vibes)
He is obsessed with himself, and he’s obsessed with attention, and he tried so hard to control the narrative. We’re shocked because the version he presented to us, cracks and all, would never do this to Ariana. Even if we didn’t like him at all, we at least felt confident that he wouldn’t hurt his amazing, gorgeous, ride-or-die partner. The version he presented to us was supposedly SO MUCH BETTER THAN US.
Even though I consider myself a highly intuitive and mildly intelligent person, I didn’t see this coming. I have this weird black hole for narcissists. Even though I know better, I let evil people in and I get taken advantage of. I am almost always deeply attracted to the “bad guys” like Don Draper, but I even found PETE CAMPBELL attractive for whatever reason. Loki has always been my favorite in The Avengers, aside from Iron Man… who was also a narcissist! Now I’m seeing it play out for Ariana, and I feel horrible for her even though I don’t know her personally. (I cried when a sad song came on… for her. I need to touch some grass.)
When Jax cheated on Brittany, we all felt bad because she is so sweet but we were like, “Yeah, that makes sense.” When Tom Schwartz and Katie got divorced, we were like, “That needed to happen.” Even the Stassi/Jax/Kristen/Tom shit went down, we got it. This Sandoval/Rachel news came out of left field because he really pulled one over on us.
He told us who he was, and we took his word for it. Maya Angelou has been shouting at us from the rooftops/IG memes, “When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.” Tom showed us who he was in small ways, but we all chose to ignore it because he told us he was different, that he was better than Jax, Schwartz, James, etc.
I believe we’re all collectively struggling with the idea that human beings in our life are capable of doing this to us. We’re worried that we’re susceptible to being fooled on such a grand level. And we are. We have been. It’s scary!
We’re all so invested in this because it feels like a true-crime podcast happening before our eyes. It’s like that documentary with Ted Bundy’s ex-fiancé. The person she was engaged to and who helped raise her child was not the same person that murdered all those women. Ted Bundy told her who he was, and she believed him.
Luckily for Ariana, I guess, Tom Sandoval is not a murderer (maaaaybe?) - he’s just your classic guy who decides that avoidance and cheating is better and easier than having a difficult conversation with your partner. He’s your classic guy who fights back with, “Things have been bad between us!” as if that’s an excuse. Ariana likely knew things were bad too, but when you’re nine years into a partnership, and own property together, one might just believe that you’ll work through it eventually because you’re in it for the long haul.
This scandal is just showing us that all of our fears are true. People are capable of tricking us, people are capable of being tricked, and there might be no guaranteed long haul. Trust is hard-earned, and easily broken.
Now, please excuse me while I dissect all of my relationships, as well as my own behavior, and never leave my house or allow myself to be vulnerable again. BYYYEEEE.