Thoughts I Had at Target

Photo by Daniel ODonnell on Unsplash

“Do I need a children’s balloon arch for my upcoming 35th birthday?” 

“Oh! What does maple cedar cider smell like? Joanna Gaines, you think of everything.” 

“These frames are marked down from $14.99 to $13.99, I should get 4.” 

“I know I already have 8 bear mugs, but I think I need another one.” 

“What’s the latest flavor of vacuum? I already have a hand-held Shark, a handheld steam cleaner, a Roomba and a large Shark - what else do I need?” 

“Could I make these Pillowfort twin-sized sheets fit on my queen-sized bed? Why don’t they make fun sheet sets for adults?!” 

“Probably need two graphic tees of bands I never listen to.” (The only Rolling Stones song I know is “Satisfaction” and it’s an Otis Redding song.)

“These giant acrylic hoop earrings are so cute, I bet they won’t cause an allergic reaction THIS TIME.” 

“No generic iPhone charger has ever worked for my phone, but this one is only $10 and it’s pink!” 

“Do I need another water bottle?” 

“Reese’s egg season!!!!! I’ll get six-packs of six.” 

“I’ve been meaning to try this clean beauty brand because I am very conscious of what I put in my body.” (Pretend you didn’t see Reese's eggs.)”

“Is magnesium a supplement I should be taking? This would look great in my medicine cabinet with all the other supplements I don’t take.” 

“I can’t turn down this cute patio set!” (I have zero patios.)

“I should get Billie a toy since I’ve tortured her by being out of the apartment for over ten minutes.” 

“I should get a good shovel for next winter.”

“This cropped Victorian blouse with balloon sleeves looks like it is all wrong for my body, but…” 

“Why are tiny sunglasses a thing, Gen Z?” 

“Thank God for my RedCard that saves me 5%!” (Tax in Massachusetts is 6.25% so it doesn’t even take off the tax.) 

*drives home* 

“Fuck, I forgot cat litter.”