Help Me Make A Big Purchase!
I really miss the back-to-school season. I always loved going to Bob’s with my mom to pick out the hottest new Mudd jeans on the market, and a pair of tennis shoes. I can still buy fall clothes and school supplies, but it’s not as fun. A Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper just doesn’t feel as satisfying when I’m not carrying it through the halls of my school.
Instead, I’m getting the urge to splurge. I have a big chunk of money to spend (no I don’t) and I’m just over here like, WHAT DO I DO WITH IT ALL?
Help me make a big purchase!!
Option 1: A house.
Hear me out. Do I have the money for this? Absolutely not. I have enough in the bank account for a .003% down payment. However, I have some savings and a good credit score and I’m wondering if it’s time to just stop renting and start paying a mortgage on my own home. Nothing is permanent, right? Right?!?!?!
Option 2: A new couch.
Alternatively, do I buy a new couch instead? Maybe I’m just itching for a home makeover or something new in the interior design department. Maybe a $2,000+ couch will make me feel just as good? Then, I don’t have to move.
Option 3: Plastic surgery.
OR, do I say FUCK IT ALL and get plastic surgery? I’m talking lips, a tummy tuck, maybe a calves lift. Just kidding, I have amazing calves. Part of me is like, why not? I’m in my mid-thirties and might as well spend money on my looks since I don’t have kids and life isn’t guaranteed and I might die tomorrow and I’ll be alone forever, also.
Option 4: Microbladed brows.
Or, instead of going under and being in pain, do I just settle for microbladed brows? I’ve seen some horror shows, so I’m scared. Mostly, I’ve been impressed, yet it feels expensive for such a short-term thing.
Option 5: A degree.
Part of me feels like I need more schooling, but that’s fucking stupid. Nevermind. Next!
Option 6: A new Christmas tree.
Real Christmas trees smell great but they shed everywhere. Pets knock them over. My cat eats the needles. I already have a realistic faux tree and it’s been with me for about three years. I have more space in my new apartment (and MAYBE NEW HOME?) So do I buy another faux Christmas tree? Eh, no… this isn’t it.
HOW ABOUT THIS CHRISTMAS NEON SIGN, THOUGH? Obviously, I’d keep it up year-round. Obviously.
Option 7: A big vacation.
All of this feels like *commitment* and I’m afraid of that. Do I just blow it all on an amazing trip post-Covid to Ireland? Maybe Ireland and London. Or maybe I go places I’ve never been and visit Italy and Greece. Thailand?! THE BAHAMAS? Just kidding. Although an all-inclusive resort somewhere tropical sounds like it could be nice, I'd need that plastic surgery first. At least in Northern Europe, I can wear bulky sweaters.
Option 8: A bottle of wine and a movie rental.
Just checked my account again, and yup - looks like this is about all I can afford because I just spent $900 on my cat’s vet bill. So thanks for your help, but it looks like I’m traveling all the way to Concord, MA, and renting Little Women again while drinking very cheap white wine.
Have a good life.