The Worst of Times
Over the past 18 months, I’ve facilitated hundreds of workshops in a virtual environment. Before starting every session, we ask participants in the room to have grace with technology. Have grace when someone’s kid shows up in the background, or the dog barks or squeaks a toy (guilty!), or the trash truck rolls by. We’re all just doing the best we can, and honestly those little moments of imperfection and being in people’s homes actually make me happy.
I wish we could have more of that grace in the real world. I feel a bit like the young girl in Mean Girls who “DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE” but joined the feelings session. I mean, fuck… is anyone else feeling completely exhausted? WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?
I’m trying to believe that everyone is allowed their personal choices and should do what’s best for them, while also struggling with the fact that science is real, there are experts for a reason, and some people just don’t care about the greater good. I have close friends and family all over the spectrum; some who have got Covid and some who haven’t, some who aren’t afraid of Covid and some who are terrified of it, some who are vulnerable and some who aren’t, some who are assholes… and some who are also assholes but for different, non-Covid-related reasons. I’m just trying to have a little bit of grace and allow everyone a human margin of error.
Everyone is calling each other out for EVERYTHING. I’m overwhelmed and I want to crawl into a hole and hide. Then I feel bad for being “complicit” and I’m back to square one. I’m just trying to get through a pandemic with my mental health and well-being intact! What’s the right thing to do right now? I’m vaccinated, I’m wearing masks when appropriate, and I’m following CDC guidelines. I wish other people would do all of those things too, but I have no control.
Even sharing memes on Instagram can get you in trouble because even if some facts are valid from an account, you then find out there’s a problematic person behind that account. AHHHHHH.
This past month has been a rough one for my mental health. I stopped watching the news, I’m trying to reduce my hours on social media, and I’m trying to focus on the good in the world. I know a lot of bad things are happening and I’m doing what I can to support and help, but I just can’t focus every conversation on negative world events. I’m struggling with the collective negativity.
It makes me think of the way Boston felt after the Boston Marathon bombing. I think of the week that followed and being glued to the news. I think of the shows we did for audiences who just wanted to laugh. I think of everyone locking down that entire day to support the police in finding the guy. I think of watching that fucking boat for seemingly hours while they extracted him, and going to the Bell in Hand and drinking our faces off. The whole city was out, feeling a mix of adrenaline and stress, celebrating #BostonStrong. It was an awful thing to happen, but it seemed to bring us closer together.
The world feels so different just eight years later. There’s so much misinformation out there, so much bad news, so much vitriol, and hate and entitlement. Is the media just trying to keep us informed, or are they trying to make us all afraid? Is it okay if we take a break, or do we have to be fighting all the time? There’s very little room for making mistakes, or showing empathy. (Although, to be fair, it’s hard to have empathy for people who don’t have empathy. Endless cycle.)
Some good news is that fall is coming, the holidays are around the corner, and coffee is delicious and my animals are cute and I’m going to do yoga to stretch my sore muscles and I’m going to dress up this weekend, and I went on a sailboat, and also hiking in the woods is nice and have you watched Ted Lasso yet? Because that show exists! What did we do to deserve that show?
All I can do is focus on having grace with myself, with the people around me, with the world (as hard as it’s going to be), and look for the good things. I’ll look for the helpers like Mr. Rogers encouraged… and as far as I know, he hasn’t been canceled yet. I’ll do my best to not assume the worst in people. And, finally, I’ll dance to Janet Jackson in my living room with all the curtains drawn like the 35-year-old going through a midlife crisis that I am!