How To Love Your Job and Build Your Dream Life

That girl’s dream job WAS IN HER BEDROOM! THE WHOLE TIME!

Once upon a time, I was a young child playing The Game of Life with my sister and neighbors. Every time I’d reach for a career card, I would hope to get the “Superstar” or “Artist” and every time I’d pick a house deed, I’d hope for the beach house. Those were my dreams. I wanted to be a famous artist (/creative person) and I wanted to live on the beach. 

In my current life, if you offered me the keys to a house on the beach, I’d promptly throw them in the ocean. I’m not a beach person anymore. I’d much rather the Farmhouse or Log Cabin now. Some dreams change as you grow up, but not all of them do.

In the mid-1990’s, my career dreams changed to “secretary” because I loved typing and pretending to work on my family’s computer. I was able to live that dream once! Honestly, I enjoyed it and I did get to do a lot of typing. 

In the early 2000s, I wanted to be a cast member on SNL. My goal was to go to Chicago and take classes at The Second City while getting my degree in theater. I actually applied to three schools in Chicago and one safety school in Boston. Out of fear, I chose the safety school in Boston and studied public relations. 

During college, I took classes at a local improv theater. Within a few years, I auditioned for the cast. I became a professional comedian and learned that a career in comedy didn’t only mean SNL. That realization drove me to move to Los Angeles in 2014. I moved without a job or apartment lined up, walked the streets, and found a place within a few days. Talk about learning from my mistake of making the safe choice for college! 

My Los Angeles comedy dream had shifted from performing to writing. Specifically, I wanted to become a television writer. I didn’t! I did some performing with friends and co-created a silly YouTube show, but mostly I commuted 2.5 hours a day from Hollywood to the Westside for my HR job at an ad agency.

Today, I am living back home in New England and can honestly say I am working in my dream job. I feel like I DID become an ARTIST and a SUPERSTAR! But it looks much different than what I would have expected as a young girl playing The Game of Life. 

My career path has not been linear. For so long, I focused on being “a comedian and a writer”, but I incorrectly assumed that I couldn’t consider myself either of those without professional titles. Each time I’d start a new HR job, I would go in with the plan of working towards writing. Then, I’d be given writing projects at every agency I worked for and disliked the experience every time. 

I mean, I got to write on a Call of Duty ad! I blogged as “The Hot Chick” for Lifestyles condoms! I wrote copy for MARKETING PAMPHLETS! IF MARKETING PAMPHLETS COULDN’T WIN ME OVER, THEN WHAT COULD?!

Copywriting just didn’t feel fun or creative to me. There were so many rules, restrictions, and needy clients. I thought, “Come on Patty! You’re getting the opportunity to be a writer!” but it never felt right. Whenever it didn’t work out, I’d feel like a failure instead of realizing it just wasn’t for me. 

I took the call from Reebok/adidas after a weird year in my life. I had moved back to Boston, unclear on what was next and at my most depressed. I didn’t know what the job title “Facilitator” even meant. In fact, I still didn’t know what it meant when I signed the offer letter, but I knew that it sounded fun and it felt right. 

[What I do: A facilitator is basically a “corporate trainer", but instead of teaching the material, we facilitate activities that encourage learning through storytelling and open discussion. Examples of learning material would be: growth mindset, coaching, giving feedback, building psychological safety, and creating high performing teams.]

At this moment, I can say with sincerity that I am the happiest I have ever been. I love all the aspects of my job; whether I’m facilitating a program, moderating a panel, writing and designing programs, coaching people through their development as leaders and reading ALL THE BOOKS to become a “subject matter expert”.

I am not happy because I found my dream job, but because I shifted my focus to building my dream life. I love what I do, but that’s only a part of it. It’s also the fact that I have learned to set boundaries for a work/life balance. I have favored autonomy and the ability to create my own schedule. I prioritized needing to be creative, and perform, and write, and actually see the immediate impact. I’ve broken the monotony by traveling to Germany and Panama and London and Ireland. I choose to only work somewhere that I feel valued, supported, and laughed at (in a good way). 

I also trusted my gut and made the tough decision to move back to New England, the place that I connect with most in the world. I have intentionally surrounded myself with a supportive and fun community of family and friends. In non-pandemic times, I would even perform and direct comedy whenever I wanted (without the desperate need for it to validate me.)

I don’t know what would have happened if I moved to Chicago, or New York, or stayed in L.A., or became a “real” writer. I have given up regretting past decisions because they all led me down the right path. Years of searching for happiness and success taught me that I already had access to everything I needed. I was only responsible for living my life, realizing what mattered most, and making that the central focus of my life. 

Choosing to stay in Boston for college led to taking improv classes, and working at the theater, and joining my college improv troupe, and getting cast professionally and performing full-time. Choosing to study marketing over theater got me my first office job at a marketing agency, where I fell into HR by accident. Moving to L.A. taught me how resilient I was, how it was possible to build a life anywhere, but also that New England was definitely my home. And so on. 

All of this to say: Instead of chasing the “dream job”, focus instead on building your dream life.

You build it by LIVING! By making scary and sometimes wrong decisions, trusting your intuition, paying attention to what thrills you, doing things that scare you, turning down seemingly great opportunities, and by putting your heart out there (and sometimes having it broken.)

It will be messy, but it will be fun. It will not be linear, but it will be scenic. It will not look at all like what you expected, but it will be better than you ever knew possible. And who knows? It might even be a similar, but better, version of the career card you wanted to pull as a kid playing The Game of Life. (Except for those of you who wanted “Travel Agent”... unfortunately, you’re fucked.)