How to Navigate Uncertainty.
There is a neuroscience model that I frequently cover in development programs called SCARF. It states that the human brain perceives a lack of status, certainty, autonomy, relatability, and fairness as a threat just the same as physical threats. For example, if you lack autonomy in your work - like a boss that is always checking in and micromanaging you - you will feel uneasy and threatened.
While it mostly covers how we feel in social environments, I still think of this model whenever I feel off-balance in life. Right now is definitely one of those times and the major reason for that is uncertainty. I’m sure many can relate.
There’s the worldwide uncertainty of the coronavirus. It’s showing up less in my day-to-day (as I’m vaccinated, seeing friends, and otherwise living “normally”) but it’s still affecting my workplace situation, travel plans, and the future in general.
Mostly, there’s personal uncertainty. Earlier in the fall, I was told that in order to keep my job, I would have to move to Portland, Oregon, or Herzogenaurach, Germany. The company decided they were maintaining an office-first environment (3 days in the office, 2 days remote) once everyone returned, and keeping me remote in Boston wouldn’t work. Beforehand, I was working out of an office in Boston but they’re in the process of selling that brand so being based there would no longer make sense.
The good news is that they want me to stay! They were committed to keeping me, moving me to a new location, and giving me a promotion. I seriously considered going to Germany, which I’d like to unpack another time. However, this year has been extremely tough for me. There have been some health issues, then my cat died, and all of that has added to a growing personal finance crisis. In some ways, it’d be the perfect time to move and start over and go on an adventure! However, another part of me is craving responsibility for once in my life. I want to pay off my debt and feel free.
For many reasons, I turned the opportunity down. That means in a few months, I won’t have a job there. There is no final date yet, but I’m grateful to have some time. I also have opportunities on the table, so it’s not a dire situation. However, I am mourning the loss of the best job I’ve ever had. It changed my entire life, and I’m not exaggerating. I’m excited, but scared, about what’s next and what it will look like.
But that’s life, right? Everything is uncertain. We spend all of our time trying to gain control, but it’s a fool’s errand because ultimately we have none. Anxiety is so silly because we’re worried about everything that could go wrong as if worrying about it helps the situation or prepares us in any way. Sure, it helps us avoid situations that could be dangerous, but at what cost? You don’t socialize, you don’t take opportunities, you just stay still and stagnant in your own bubble forever.
If there’s any MAJOR LESSON I’ve learned this past year… or, past few years, it’s that absolutely anything can happen at any time.
So, how do you handle uncertainty? I HAVE NO CLUE. But I can share what has helped:
Lean into it. Reality is the only option on the table. I don’t want to waste time wishing everything was different.
Create pockets of control. I can control avoiding alcohol when I’m feeling sad, or when I need a good night’s sleep. I can control asking for company to come over when I need help. I can control my daily routine and keep it consistent so I feel some semblance of order.
Think of everything that could go wrong and how you’ll handle it. Sure, maybe in February I won’t have a job… so I’ll have to move in with my parents, and apply for a bunch of jobs and go through a lot of interviews and go a little bit more into debt, and cut down on some expenses, and maybe get a part-time job, or work at my aunt’s bagel shop, or find creative ways to make money.
Think of everything that could go right. Or, I could find a new job that pays very well and it will be different but it will help me grow in new ways and set me up for success in the future. Maybe I’ll have an opportunity to travel to new countries, or move to London or I’ll buy a home in the mountains. Who knows what could happen? But it could be good things!
Remind yourself of previous uncertain times. I didn’t have a job when I moved to LA and it worked out tremendously. I didn’t have a job when I moved back to Boston, and it worked out great. I am lucky to have resources and to be an extremely employable person if I do say so myself. I’ve been resilient in the past, and I’ll continue to be so!
If you’re feeling uncertain too, I’m sorry and I hope you’re hanging in there! Just try to handle yourself with as much grace as possible and know that everything will work out. It always does.