The Advice I’d Give to Teenagers Today
I went into a Bed, Bath, and Beyond the other day and was immediately transported back to the summer of 2004. The place still smells exactly the same. I think Jason Mraz was even playing on the speakers (which I wasn’t complaining about because I’m still a Mrazzer) (nobody uses that term). As I walked through the aisles, looking for an item to use my 20% coupon on, I thought about that very summer, right before I went to college, and what was going through my mind.
How was my life going to change in college? Will Janine and I still be able to play Grand Theft Auto and go to Friendly’s all the time? What would my new roommate be like? What would it be like living away from home all 3 miles away in the city of Boston? What kind of friends would I make? Would I meet the love of my life? Who would I lose my virginity to? What was going to become of me?*
There’s so much advice I’d like to give that red-haired little monster. As many teenagers are in that moment of their lives right now, I think I’ll share that advice with current youths instead. It’s probably best to do it here than outside the front door of the Bed, Bath and Beyond like I wanted to.
Don’t go to college unless you know what you want to do. Oh, is it too late? Are you already enrolled and buying stuff for it? Well, if I could go back and do anything differently it’d be everything. Yet, going to a PRIVATE UNIVERSITY when I had NO CLUE WHAT I WANTED TO DO was one of the more stupid things I’ve ever done. I wish I had gone to a state school, or a community college, to take the elective courses I needed for that first year while I decided what I wanted to do.
“But Patty, if you hadn’t gone to Suffolk, would you have started doing improv and blah blah blah” I don’t know, but probably! I knew about the theater before college and started taking classes the summer after my freshman year. Basically, I wish that I had taken more time after high school to figure out what the real world was like by taking a year off or just taking transferable electives locally. I graduated with a degree in GENERIC COMMUNICATIONS and ART HISTORY. I’m still paying it off almost 15 years later and I’ve never used my degree other than to get a job that required a degree. I still think I would have been hired without one.If a lifetime opportunity presents itself, take it. My sister studied abroad in England when I was in high school and I never went to visit her. It was the summer that the 5th Harry Potter book came out and we could have read it there! At the scene of the crime! (The crime being THAT AWFUL BOOK.) I didn’t go because I was depressed, insecure and thought that all of my friends would abandon me if I was out of the picture for too long. They’re all still my friends twenty years later, so my theory was proven wrong.
Go to the dentist. Don’t avoid it because you’re scared of the news you might hear. A filling is better than a root canal, a root canal is better than ROTTEN, INFECTED TEETH. Take it from me, the woman who had a date ruined at 33 by a sore tooth and made an emergency dentist appointment only to find out she needed a root canal, a crown replacement, and six fillings.
Nobody cares about you. That’s right, that poster hanging up in your school classroom was CORRECT. In ten years, nobody will care whether you had the right jeans, bag, or “it” water bottle. (Seriously, why have there been so many water bottle moments?) The type of crowd you fell into during high school literally fades the second you leave the door. The actual world is not divided into popular people, losers, band geeks, theater kids, athletes, etc. You will eventually be friends with ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE and nobody will care. Don’t put yourself in a box for your whole life and assume you do/do not deserve things because you weren’t cool in high school. It literally does not matter.
Do things outside of your comfort zone. I know this is like the advice everyone gives, but it’s true. Here’s a list of things I didn’t do until really late because I was afraid: go to a workout class, travel internationally, hook up with someone, wear an outfit without a jacket covering me, set boundaries, join a dating app, go to a movie or restaurant alone, join a gym, show up at an event by myself, join a club, audition, etc.
Everything that is fun and rewarding happens when you do things that scare you.
That’s it… for now. And the answer to all my 18-year-old questions?
How was my life going to change in college? You’ll watch Arrested Development for the first time. Will Janine and I still be able to play Grand Theft Auto and go to Friendly’s all the time? Yes, until Friendlys finally closes in 2020. What would my new roommate be like? Lovely, but you don’t stay friends. What would it be like living away from home all 3 miles away in the city of Boston? You’re going to go home every weekend. What kind of friends would I make? You’ll make three solid friends and talk to them mostly through social media. Would I meet the love of my life? LOL, no. Who would I lose my virginity to? Well, you’ll meet him that year but it won’t happen until AFTER COLLEGE and way after his prime. What was going to become of me? A lot of anxiety and… gallstones.