Why do I keep joining cults?

The charismatic person leading the congregation… was me. Oh no.

I was watching a new Netflix reality show when I realized that I am really prone to falling into cults.

My Unorthodox Life is a show about a former orthodox Jewish woman named Julia Haart who left the community in 2012 and is now the CEO of Elite World Group, a model management firm. It’s like a Bravo show meets the Kardashians meets another show that I’d probably watch. Where she is under a decade later is mindblowing considering where she came from, and most of her nuclear family has also left the community but are all at different stages. 

There were many moments in the show where she judged the orthodox community. I too have issues with their views on women. I used to perform a show every summer for an orthodox camp and wasn’t allowed to be in any structure where I’d be singing or touching a man. It enraged me that I couldn’t do 30-40% of the show because of my gender. However, her youngest son is 13 and wants to remain in the community and it brought Julia to tears. 

I don’t think it’s fair to judge people who decide to stay in the community and don’t feel trapped, particularly women. Some people prioritize community over world travel and immense opportunities. Honestly, I’ve had nothing but privilege and opportunity and realized ultimately that what makes me feel most fulfilled is community. And that’s when it hit me that I JUST KEEP ON JOINING CULTS.

CULT #1 - IMPROV

Oh, improv, where do I start? There has been rampant sexual abuse, abuse of power, and tons of sexism. In order to move up, you have to praise the ones in power and remain loyal to the institution. You must dedicate all of your time and money to the theater. If it’s not DEL CLOSE’S VERSION OF THE HAROLD, IT IS NOT A HAROLD. Also, SO MUCH WEIRD SEX STUFF. 

There were years that I didn’t see my best friends because I was so heavily involved with the theater. I spent every waking minute down there, with people from there, or thinking of being there. I missed family weddings, cut a vacation short with my mother, and didn’t spend time with my sister the night before she moved away to law school. 

I quit my day job to work there full-time (sacrificing a stable income and benefits) so I could spend more time there. Whenever we tried to get more money or said we couldn’t do something being requested of us, we were told we could be replaced at any moment. I dedicated my entire life to IMPROV COMEDY and truly believed my job was important and I was living the dream. 

It all came crashing down when I moved to Los Angeles expecting everything to stay the same. My community in LA was mostly made up of people from my theater, but it was different without the nucleus of the theater. After spending so much time and money on my own theater, it felt INSANE to do it all over again at another theater - or TWO theaters - for maximum exposure. I frankly didn’t have the money to participate in my favorite activity anymore, which made me realize how fucked up the industry was. 

No weird sex stuff here! Except… well, I put my butt on Doug a lot.

CULT #2 - ADVERTISING

It was probably easy to step back from my comedy community because I jumped headfirst into my next one, advertising!!! I’ve worked for a couple of different agencies, but this one in L.A. was the most cult-y of them all. Mostly men in power? Check. Spending every waking minute there, or with people from there? Check. Weird sex stuff? Check!!! 

There were rules and values they lived by, and every time I led a school tour through the office space (which was the former office space of one Mr. Howard Hughes’), I’d find myself reciting the doctrine and feeling honored to work there. 

CULT #3 - YOGA 

Yoga is beautiful. Every Sunday, my 9:00 am yoga class feels like going to church. The instructor is my guru, and every week she leads the class with some sort of lesson she learned over the past week. She plays great music, she asks us to submit to the moment and connect with our bodies and it’s truly the one time a week I’m able to unplug and feel present with myself and appreciate my body. 

And yeah, I’m in a cult. 

CULT #4 - COACHING 

Coaching is a big part of being in leadership development, and I love it. The program that I have started going through has a great mission. It’s all about working together with the client to get them where they want to be, rather than telling them where they should be. I love being a coach, it’s my favorite part of my job. 

If only it didn’t cost over $25,000 to become certified through this program. If only it wasn’t advised that you take specific courses with the founders and thought leaders (for a few thousand bucks a pop). If only there wasn’t WEIRD SEX STUFF!!!! (I got comments about my body by staff on the VERY FIRST DAY.) 

Oh God, we’re even all wearing the same shoes..

CULT #5 - PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT 

One friend at the dog park said to me, “Have you seen that HBO documentary The Vow? Isn’t that what you do for work?” 

Yes. Yes, it is. However, I’m employed by a company to do it, and we don’t charge people and I CHOSE TO GET THIS TREFOIL BRANDED ON MY BODY, OKAY?!?! 

WHY DO I KEEP JOINING CULTS?

I’m mostly kidding here. Cults are no joke. I just find them so fascinating because it seems like a no-brainer to not join one. Yet, on the other hand, I totally get how it happens.

Community is intoxicating. There is no better feeling than belonging and being a part of something bigger than yourself gives you a sense of purpose. My days spent down at the improv theater are some of the best days of my life. I was with my people doing what I loved the most - making people laugh. Yes, there were really bad things going on in the background that I chose to ignore, but the community aspect was invaluable. 

I’m drawn to “cult-like organizations” because I like being a part of things that have a bigger sense of purpose and make the world better. I like organizations that have strong points of view, charismatic senior leadership with authentic passion, and core values that align with mine. And I think that’s okay. I’m proud of my career, I’m proud of what I do, and I’m glad that I get to work with great companies to do what I do best: help people and make them laugh in the process. 

That is until the weird sex stuff is introduced, then IT’S TIME TO GO!