Things to Know Before Adopting a Dog
I love dogs. I know that everybody loves dogs, but I really love and connect with dogs. When I see one on the street, I can’t not say “Hi!” to them. I also must follow it up with, “What are you doing?! Being cute?!” I used to fly across the country multiple times a year to hang out with my dog friend, Copper. What can I say? Dogs are my people.
I didn’t have my own dog until 2019. The reason was mostly that I was very attached to my childhood dog, Griffin, and I was hesitant to put myself through the emotional distress of losing an animal ever again. I also had a busy life with two jobs, and lots of traveling, and commuting, and… laziness.
Two years ago, I just decided to do it. I adopted my Billie and I never looked back. Except that is what I am doing right now. Looking back. I had no idea what I was in for. My life was twist-turned-upside-down. I can say with complete certainty that I love her so much and I have no regrets, but also that being a dog owner is terrible and I will never have children.
Here’s what to know about adopting a dog:
3-3-3. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. It takes 3 days for the dog to adjust, 3 weeks to settle, and 3 months to normalize. That was pretty spot-on for both Billie and me. It’s my new rule for every kind of change now.
Even if they’re potty trained, they’re not. She was potty trained, but that all went out the window when she got here. She went to the bathroom in the apartment ONLY. She would not go to the bathroom outside at all. I would be outside FOR HOURS and she wouldn’t go, then we’d go back inside and she’d pee in the bedroom. Several nights that first week, I was outside until midnight SILENTLY CRYING so I wouldn’t showcase my stress and stress her out more.
New environments are scary, particularly for rescue dogs. For the first week, I had to carry her in and out of the building. She didn’t want to leave the apartment, or get in the elevator, or walk down the stairs. She was 30 pounds so that was fun. She also wouldn’t leave the parking lot for a while. I would literally walk 10,000+ steps a day IN THE PARKING LOT ONLY. We’d get a little further every day… and then she’d turn around and run back to her safe space with her tail between her legs. The first time I took her in the car, she peed… twice.
I have to be SOCIAL. I often joke that my biggest fear is being in an elevator with someone I kinda know. Because then you HAVE to talk to them but you only know each other enough for small talk. The worst. Now I have to do that all the time because Billie is the friendliest dog in the world and wants to see every dog, be petted by every human, and literally walks ME to the dog park every single day. So now I have a collection of neighborhood people whose names I mostly don’t know but they are my best friends.
Everything is up for grabs. Things that have been destroyed by Billie: FOUR area rugs (by chewing, not going to the bathroom), my heating pad (RIP), three phone chargers, throw pillows, A WINDOWSILL, two remotes, a throw blanket, a foam roller, a yoga mat, several pairs of shoes, TWO books written by J.K. Rowling (I just assumed that Billie hates TERFS) and Ruthie’s sanity.
Toys are pointless. She loves toys, but they last about two days before they’re chewed to oblivion. She even EATS tennis balls. Like takes bites of them and eats them. Even “durable” toys aren’t safe. The only thing that lasts is her Kong. Also, somehow they’re always under the couch and she can’t get them so I have to get them all out with a broom multiple times a day.
Apparently, it’s strange for a woman to do this alone. This has been a strange thing I’ve experienced multiple times. When I ask about dogs, people always respond with, “we”. “We got her back in March” or “We got her from a rescue” or “We just took her to Petsmart training…” and then they assume that I’m with someone as well. “When did you guys get her? Where did you guys get her? Do you guys live in that building?”
I know it’s very innocent, but I got her all on my own, thank you very much. And this shit is HARD!!!!! And my MOTHER walks her EVERY MORNING!!!! And sometimes I send her there for ENTIRE DAYS because I NEED SPACE!!!!!
Anyways, you should totally get a dog. Just know you’re going to completely fuck up your life. OK, BYEEEEEE.
