Authentic Mother’s Day Gift Guide
Do you ever read gift guides for Mother’s Day and think, “Uh, my mom would hate all of those things.”
Candles? Afraid of fire.
Wine? Doesn’t drink.
Good coffee? Prefers Folger’s.
Puzzles? Too anxious.
Cashmere? Too high-maintenance.
Nice dinnerware? She brags about her Family Dollar plates.
Anything that says “Mom” on it? LOL.
Well today, I’m sharing a gift guide for my mom, or any of the regular moms out there, who don’t care too much about nice things and are very stuck in their ways. Maybe your mother would like a clove of garlic and a trash can, too?
A trash can
For the mother who is a reverse-hoarder and doesn’t understand sentimentality or the fact that “loose papers” might be important
White Vinegar
Because she doesn’t care so much about chemicals in her cleaning products, but definitely cares about her cleaning product being multi-purpose. So multipurpose that it can clean your windows and dress your salad.
A Spotify subscription
Because she listens to NPR and has an affinity for true-crime
Fun fact: If you pretend to live in the same house, you can pretend you’re a couple and save money on your subscription ($12.99/month for both rather than $20/month for 2 subscriptions)
A calendar full of dog pictures (or pictures of your kid)
Because she typically gets her calendars for free in the mail from the place your dad gets his oil changed
Pair of sneakers
Because you get a discount, and because she walks to and from your apartment (~30 mins each way) to walk your dog every morning (her choice)
A carton of cigarettes
Because they’re cheaper in New Hampshire
Bonus: Put a sad baby picture of yourself in one of the packs like that commercial from the 90s
A head of garlic
Because she eats a clove a day for the health benefits, probably to offset the cigarettes
Sweaters from Kohl’s
So she can return them for what she actually wants, different sweaters from Kohl’s
A book you already own
She gets all her books from the library anyway and is just going to pass it off to one of your aunts when she’s done
Your recyclables
So she doesn’t have to sort through your trash to take them out
Dinner at the Cheesecake Factory or Outback Steakhouse
Because nobody does it better than a chain restaurant