Happy for the Holidays
A Christmas patfit outtake.
On a recent trip to Vermont with my family, I spent an entire afternoon on the couch. I drank a little bit of champagne, put on Little Women, and took a nap. I actually cannot remember the last time I felt that relaxed. If I were at home, by myself, I would have woken up feeling ashamed. Why was it different this time?
I started listening to a podcast by Harvard professor and social scientist, Arthur Brooks, called How To Build a Happy Life. I love his articles in The Atlantic but have been loving the podcast even more. Every week, he has listeners call in and leave a voicemail answering the question, “When’s the last time you remember being truly happy?”
It feels so different to remember being happy, rather than wondering if you are happy. It’s not a destination or a state of being, but rather an emotion to feel along with all the others. It makes happiness feel more attainable. To be honest, I have about one existential crisis a week and I still have no idea what the point of existence is. I don’t subscribe to religious reasoning, nor do I feel the drive to procreate and further the human race. All I can think is that we’re here to create a comfortable, meaningful life (not necessarily a happy one), whatever that means to each of us.
The truth is that BEING AN ADULT IS TERRIBLE and I know that I cannot maintain happiness during difficult times. In fact, just two weeks prior to that relaxing nap in Vermont, I had the worst day of my life when I had to put my cat down. On that day, I couldn’t fathom feeling relaxed and comfortable ever again. And yet…
Instead of focusing on a constant state of happiness, I started taking stock of all the moments when I feel happy:
Driving through Vermont, listening to a podcast, and seeing all the fall foliage
A lazy afternoon with my sister, lying on couches, drinking champagne with dogs on our laps
Walking through the woods with Billie and seeing how excited she gets to run off-leash
When I feel “in the zone” while writing, facilitating, or performing
When I’m traveling and experiencing new places with friends
When I’m open and honest and unapologetic with my feelings
When I feel seen and heard by someone I love
Deep dives into topics I really love (from Jane Austen’s entire life story, to true crime and THIS)
When I see them written down, I realize that the things that make me feel happy are connection, creativity, confidence, and curiosity. Damnit, they all start with the letter C. It doesn’t matter if I’m laughing on my own living room couch with my sister or traveling through Europe with Judith, both experiences make me happy because it’s activating all the things I value in life: connecting, laughing, and experiencing something new.
Oddly enough, those are always the first things to go when the pressure is dialed up. When I have a bad day, I retreat from human interaction. When I’m not feeling good about myself, I don’t put myself in uncomfortable situations or new experiences. When I feel uneasy, or uncertain, I don’t stand up for myself or say how I feel. Instead, I try to make everyone else comfortable and ease tension. Even though I know what makes me live a more meaningful life, I actively push it away when the going gets tough.
This is why last month, during my No Good, Very Tough Week, I activated OPERATION STAY SANE. Knowing that I tend to resort to bad habits that make me feel worse, I chose to tap into all the experiences that make me feel good. I avoided alcohol, I asked my sister to come over for dinner, I went for a long walk through Lexington and Concord with Billie, I asked Cristina to come over for a self-care night, and visited a museum that used to house a cult!
In return, showing myself some GOD DAMN SELF RESPECT and taking care of myself, and expressing my emotions made me feel good. Even during the depths of despair, I felt okay. This was huge for me, as typically I tend to embrace depression and sing “Cowboy Take Me Away” while I take its hand as it drags me down the sewer drain to hell.
With the holidays coming up, knowing it can be a tough and lonely time, I want to focus on creating more pockets of happiness. I want to actively work on creating moments that feel good, rather than retreating from socialization and falling prey to comfortable bad habits. I aim to revisit some of my feelings around family traditions and find a way to bring new life to them. It’s a gamechanger to know that we can choose how to show up for our own lives, or in this case, our own holiday seasons. We know what brings on happy feelings, so how can we create activities or moments to bring them out?
That is why this holiday season, I want Jordan. What? No. Sorry, that was a Megan Fox quote from a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie.
This holiday season, I am going to be present with my friends and family IRL [in real life] and spend less time on social media when I’m with them. I’m going to CREATE and SHARE whatever I want! That means blog posts, Christmas outfits, or drunken recaps of Hallmark Christmas movies! I’m going to revisit old traditions (watching Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol with my sister) and create new ones (Cult Family Outing to see the Zoo Lights). I hope you can find ways to create space for happy feelings over the next few months.
Unless terrible things bring you joy. In that case, maybe don’t reflect and act on those thoughts.