Lies I Tell Myself
I wouldn’t consider myself a big liar.
… is just ONE OF THE MANY LIES I often tell myself.
I lie all the time! Mostly to myself. But also to my father sometimes, but only about whether or not I already ate dinner (I didn’t, but don’t want him to bring me food because I’m trying to eat better). I’m 35 and don’t live in the same house. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
I don’t like lying, but I also don’t like letting people down, or awkwardness in general. I find it’s easier to say little white lies because they’re not harmful to anyone. For instance, if you ask me if I’ve watched a movie, and I haven’t… I might just tell you that I have so you don’t have to explain the movie to me or stop telling me your story because I won’t get it without knowing the movie. This has only got me into trouble like 1-2 times.
It’s really stupid, I know! I wish I could stop!
Sometimes I actually believe myself when I say the things I do, but most times I know that I won’t. I know myself very well. Someday, somehow I will improve… but just kidding, that’s another lie.
OTHER LIES I TELL MYSELF:
“I’m just going to put this on my credit card and then pay it immediately.” Hahahaha.
“I’m fine.” Why? Do my face and body language suggest otherwise? No, I’m not crying. YOU’RE CRYING.
“I’m going to take a break from drinking for 30 days.” And when that doesn’t work…
“I just won’t drink alone anymore.” And when that doesn’t work…
“I’m only going to drink on the weekends.” And so on.
“Oh, the artist I like is going on tour? I’d like to go see them!” Right, because I love crowds, climbing over people’s laps to buy overpriced drinks, and sitting in unrelenting traffic just to exit the venue. Oh, and staying up past 8:00.
“I should make a doctor’s appointment.” And reschedule it every time I see it pop up.
“I’ll pace myself with this show I’ve been dying to watch and not binge it all in one evening.” Sorry Ted Lasso, I didn’t appreciate you the proper way. The good news is I’ll watch you again because I already forget everything!
“I should do something about this broken dresser.” I’ve lived with it broken since the moment I put it together, why stop now? Who do I think I am? THE QUEEN? Why do I need a dresser that CLOSES?
“I’ll put this blanket in my car and take it to the dry cleaners when I take my winter coats.” I have literally never been inside of a dry cleaner.
“I’m going on a long hike today.” I last 15-20 minutes before turning around. At least it’s a 45-60 minute hike round-trip! But no, I get very anxious about trails and whether I’m actually following them or not or if I’m going to get lost.
“I am a great person and people like me!” Just kidding, I never say this to myself.
“I’m going to order a pizza and then I’ll have food for the whole weekend!” Cut to me singing the Pepto Bismol theme song while trying to go to bed. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion…
“I think I’ll stop getting my nails done and invest in a good manicure kit.” Didn’t even do this during the pandemic when salons were literally closed. My salon sent me fresh press-ons. I’m supporting local!!!!
“I’ll buy a bunch of clothes online and return what I don’t want.” Hahahaha.