The Joy of Escaping The Moment
goodbye present moment!
One of my favorite days so far this year was Memorial Day. Not because I spent the day barbecuing or swimming or doing anything remotely social or patriotic, but because I spent the entire day on my couch watching the new season of Stranger Things.
I was giddy the whole time. Luckily, the episodes were so long that I had an entire day’s worth to go through. Usually, I feel guilty about spending an entire day on my couch watching television but NOT THAT DAY. It was similar to how I felt when the Harry Potter books were released at midnight. My friends and I would go to Barnes and Noble and wait in line and join the festivities. Then, we’d spend the entire next day (or two) reading the book.
I’m all for living in the moment when it’s necessary. While I was walking around Paris, listening to an audiobook and taking in the sights… I wasn’t thinking about Stranger Things. I was thinking, “Wow, this city is so old! I can’t believe I live during a time where I can just fly here and walk on the same streets that people walked centuries ago.” Even this past weekend, while floating in a pool, feeling the warmth of the sun, and being surrounded by trees I was living RIGHT THERE IN THAT MOMENT.
However, on ordinary days when it’s business as usual, I need a respite from the day-to-dayness of it all. That’s where ESCAPING THE MOMENT comes right in. And no, I don’t mean running away from the moment… or stuffing the moment down and pretending it doesn’t exist (although I do plenty of that too.) I simply mean going on AirBNB and saving a ton of dream vacation homes to my wishlist and sending the links to my friends.
I mean by writing out summer bucket lists and planning which weekends I can do what. For instance, this weekend I’m going to P-Town for the day. I cannot wait! The weather looks like it’s going to be terrible, so it’ll probably be a bad day, but you know what? That’s something to deal with on Saturday, not today! Today I am pretending it’s going to be GORGEOUS AND SUNNY AND PERFECT. It is going to be an idealistic summer montage of laughing on a boat, riding bikes, warm breezes, and sips of wine.
I also mean by planning a trip to London at Christmas, or looking at homes on Zillow and decorating every single room in my mind (and most importantly, the living room for Christmas) and also just thinking about soon it’ll be September, then fall, then CHRISTMAS! I have a lot of Christmas-oriented goals.
Science supports this little hobby of mine. For instance, this article (which actually focuses on how anticipation leads to huge letdowns), says “... Another 2018 study found that envisioning a "brighter future" for yourself was associated with having a stronger sense of your own personal meaning of life.2 This is all to say that having events you look forward to in the future can actually psychologically improve your overall well-being in the present.”
The truth is that some of these events that I’m anticipating will never be as exciting as I make them out to be in my mind. Stranger Things could kill off one of my favorite characters (don’t you dare come for Steve Harrington) and one of my trips could totally fail (and certainly has in the past.) However, looking forward to fun events in my future, and spending time with people that I love, will always make me feel happier during present times. You all know I’m the Christmas queen, but I’m the first to admit that CHRISTMAS DAY IS THE WORST DAY OF THE YEAR. It’s always a huge let down. No Christmas will ever meet my own nostalgic expectations for a period of time that I didn’t even live through. (Can I manifest a Victorian Christmas?)
I’m a big fan of Eckhart Tolle, who suggests doing the exact opposite. I actually read or listen to his book every summer as a reminder to live in the moment, avoid anxious thinking and stop living in the past. It’s corny and depressing, but it’s actually freeing when you realize that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about anything at all.
But sometimes, I just say fuck it and plan a New Year’s Party called Reflection where everyone dresses in sequins and there will be mirrored disco balls everywhere! Get it? Because those are reflective surfaces?!?!
So if you’re going through a tough time lately, feeling burnt out, or even just need a tiny little break, might I suggest putting a few things on your calendar for next weekend, or next month, or even the fall? You could plan a trip you won’t take, or get excited for the next season of Real Housewives of New York City (since there’ll be TWO!) and just look forward to something that is going to happen in the future, whether it meets your expectations or not. Just focus all your attention on something OTHER THAN THE MOMENT and escape.