Times I Overly Cared What People Thought About Me
When my hair is straight, when my hair is curly, when I have split ends…. etc.
Aside from that anxiety and alcohol thing I shared the other day, something else I’m trying to work on is giving a shit about what people think. Especially people who do not matter to me. In fact, I wish I cared more about what the people I love actually think instead of random strangers I meet in the wild.
Lately, I have started writing in my Notes app every time I felt a pang of guilt over something I may have done to upset someone or worry over someone judging me. You will notice there is nothing on this list like, “knocked over their cart at the grocery store, pantsed them, and then robbed them at gunpoint” but seemingly unordinary things that do not matter in the grand scheme of life.
I’m a lot of work.
When I make a quick turn without a blinker.
When my dog pees on someone’s lawn and I can’t stop her in time.
When I’m wearing black shorts under a white dress.
When my socks are visible.
When I go the speed limit.
When I text while I walk my dog, therefore not paying attention to my dog or the street or the flowers.
When I listen to bad music on Spotify and realize people who follow me can see what I listen to. (Like “applause sounds”...)(true story)
When I promote or post ANYTHING on social media.
When I order chicken fingers at a seafood restaurant. (It’s where they’re most delicious!)
When someone comes over and I realize too late that I left my coffee mug from the morning on my coffee table.
When I say no.
When I ask for no lettuce or tomato. (I don’t know if it’s because of the burden to the server, the offense to the chef, or the fact that I should like vegetables on sandwiches but I’d rather die, to be honest.)
When I’m rude out of frustration and haven’t apologized in a timely manner.
When I don’t let a person go because I’m worried about the person behind me but then the person behind me DOES let them go.
When I’m taking my dog to the car, directly in front of my home, and she’s not on a leash.
When I suggest a book to someone and they start reading it.
When I say hello or smile at strangers on the street.
When I don’t say hello or smile at strangers on the street.
When I’m at a new dog park and my dog isn’t super social.
When I reach for something and say excuse me at the grocery store. (Am I being too impatient? Should I have just waited for them to be done?)
When I forgot to like, or respond, to someone’s Instagram comment or message.
When I hear my neighbors fighting and then run into them on the street.
When I overshare at the dog park or at work or in the group chat with my best friends.
When I return something from Amazon to Whole Foods or Kohl’s. (It’s a fantastic service and makes it so easy, but do those employees WANT to do that?! Especially Whole Foods where they’re not dealing with returns like that so often.)
Right now.