An Anxiety Tip I Learned From Emily Blunt (Through John Krasinski)
It is not curling up into a ball and staying there.
I think I am addicted to shame. Obviously I hate the feeling, which feels like the worst hangover you’ve ever had, but it never goes away. Shame is so deeply embedded in my core and I know how to avoid it but I don’t always (or, ever) do it.
I have spent the past few years working on my well-being. I take an antidepressant, I work out for my mental health, I eat better foods, I drink a lot of water, I sleep pretty well, I read a lot of books, I go for walks, etc. Yet, any time I even slightly mess up - I am back at square one. I drink too much one night and suddenly I’m a total loser, fuck-up who can’t do anything right. I eat an extra slice of pizza and I’m a waste of a life. I don’t get all my ounces of water and I get out the metaphorical belt for my deserved lashes.
Then, I was listening to Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend with John Krasinski. He was discussing how nervous he was when A Quiet Place came out and he and his wife (Emily Blunt) went to the premiere. His wife said to focus on one thing to worry about. Basically, instead of worrying about EVERYTHING, just worry about one thing.
He decided he’d focus on whether or not people clapped in the end. They did, and the evening/premiere was a success! He didn’t focus on whether they gasped at the right parts, or laughed, or cried, or cheered for the moments he wanted them to. Since he only focused on one thing that could go wrong, and it didn’t, he felt great afterwards.
Not to go all Oprah here, but it was a huge A-ha! moment for me. Every day, I try to do everything right, completely forgetting that I’m a human being who is incapable of perfection. I must wake up at 6:00am, drink the right amount of coffee, eat a healthy breakfast, work out for an hour, log onto work at the appropriate time, feed and take my dog out, drink 100oz of water, eat good foods with no snacks, etc. I could do almost everything right, but when I mess up that one thing - my whole day is thrown off.
In fact, this very morning, I woke up at 6:17 and LEAPT out of bed because I overslept. I have nowhere to be FOR HOURS! My first meeting wouldn’t be until 9:00, and my workout never happens before 8:00. I act as though someone is forcing these rules on me, and I will be murdered if I don’t comply. There’s really no reason for me to be so jumpy about my SELF-IMPOSED WELLNESS RITUAL.
I took Emily Blunt’s advice and decided to start focusing on one thing a day. What’s my one intention for my well-being? Maybe I’m feeling extremely fatigued, so I should focus on drinking water rather than working out that day. Or, maybe I’m feeling scatter-brained and need to calm down so I’m going to go for a longer walk by the lake, or spend the evening reading instead of watching television. Maybe I am gross and bloated and just need a day of clean eating. Focusing on that ONE thing helps me feel more accomplished for achieving my goal, and more motivated the following day to do it again.
I love myself a neuroscience moment, so here it is: setting and achieving goals activates positive neurotransmitters in your brain. Prior to this, my goals were too intense! When you focus on everything, you’re focusing on nothing. It’s like trying to watch Mare of Easttown while also reading a book and brushing your cat. You’re not going to retain any information, nor will you enjoy the tasks. Focusing on one thing, then achieving that one thing, releases dopamine and serotonin in the system and relaxes you. You’re like, “Yay! I did that one thing!” and then feel good about yourself.
That sounds a lot better than what I do now, which is “I ate healthy foods, I worked out, I put in a full day of work, I went for a walk, but I only drank a glass of water so I AM A STUPID IDIOT WHO WAS BORN A STREET RAT, WILL DIE A STREET RAT, AND ONLY MY FLEAS WILL MOURN ME.”
I know this is easier said than done, but it’s such a simple concept. I think of all the times I felt ashamed for not chasing after every single dream I’ve ever had. I ultimately feel so overwhelmed by everything that I do nothing. Reducing my focus to one thing at a time makes it all so much less daunting. Eventually, progress will be made, habits will be developed and dreams will be achieved without all the stress around it.
Life doesn’t have to be so hard, so why do we actively choose to make it that way???
Today, my only goal was to write this so I’m good for the day. I’ll order a pizza, drink a box of wine, and let my dog walk by herself. I think that’s how it works. Focus on that one thing, and once it’s done, you can go BUCK WILD everywhere else. I am now a well-being coach, trained by podcasts, and you should not consult your doctor before joining my program.